Is it immature to unfriend someone on Facebook

I am a newly established, sole-practitioner of public relations who just gained his first client, and this is a pretty big contract. The person who hired me is a Facebook US:FB friend. Should I “unfriend” her on Facebook now that we are in a professional relationship? Would establishing a LinkedIn relationship make more sense now?

Bob in California

Dear Bob,

Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg doesn’t want people to unfriend him. And there are people on Facebook you should never unfriend.

Unfriending on Facebook is a dastardly business. For those at the receiving end, it’s like the five stages of grief: Shock, befuddlement, anger and a brief period of cyberstalking before acceptance. The ugly truth about unfriending is that — as long as you’re not the one being unfriended and you’ve given it careful thought before hitting the “unfriend” button — it’s also great fun. It’s quite empowering to remove someone’s face from your life forever or free yourself from seeing their vacation photos, or hearing them on their soap box during political season.

Don’t miss: Facebook earnings hit by tax changes, stock falls: live blog

The Facebook unfriending axe falls on some heads more than others, according to two studies published in 2014 by researchers at the University of Colorado. High school friends, “other” — I’m assuming that could be a past romantic acquaintance — friend of a friend, work friend. In an ironic twist, both studies used more than 1,000 people found on Twitter. People are vanquished most often for posting polarizing comments about religion or politics or for uninteresting posts.

“Unfriending on Facebook is a dastardly business. For those at the receiving end, it’s like the five stages of grief: Shock, befuddlement, anger and a brief period of cyberstalking before acceptance.”

I have some pet peeves when it comes to Facebook. And, if we’re honest (and we should always be honest) we probably annoy others from time to time. But my least favorite person is the one whose notifications make your blood run cold. With this person, you just know it’s going to be something wildly inappropriate, passive-aggressive or plain mean. I try to steer clear of saying negative things on Facebook and expect others to do the same. (Studies suggest lonely people over-share on Facebook, a reminder that we should perhaps reach out to them instead of hiding their posts.)

There are other annoying Facebook types: The fabulous lifer who takes inspiration from Martha Stewart, the vaguebooker (“I’m devastated”), the uber-tagger (hey, maybe I don’t want a photo of my chipped tooth all over the Internet), the Debbie Downer who doesn’t realize he or she is the one common denominator during all those hard luck stories. And let’s not forget the relentless liker: A 2012 California State University evaluated 800 active Facebook members and found those who most often “like” other people’s posts show symptoms of “mania” and “compulsivity.”

Also see: The more you endlessly scroll on Facebook, the bigger the risk to your mental health

The last thing you want to do is offend a new client by culling them from your list of Facebook friends, but Facebook does allow you to wear different hats for different friends. You can restrict people from seeing anything but your public posts and you can create groups for others — close friends, acquaintances, professional contacts. There are many options to avoid hurting someone’s feelings. Unfriending someone on Facebook is really a last resort, and best reserved for those with whom you share weak social ties. With this client, your ties just got stronger.

So don’t do it. In fact, this is the one person you should not unfriend on Facebook. (The other person being your mother.) People give contracts to those they like and trust and this is an opportunity for you to cement ties. LinkedIn can be very dry with people posting articles about things like the five most effective marketing strategies, but Facebookers can get on their soap box. Avoid both. This is a place where you can potentially shine and, at the very least, knowing this person is a Facebook friend might make you think carefully before posting.

Do you have questions about inheritance, tipping, weddings, family feuds, friends or any tricky issues relating to manners and money? Send them to MarketWatch’s Moneyist and please include the state where you live (no full names will be used).

Would you like to sign up to an email alert when a new Moneyist column has been published? If so, click on this link.

You’ve probably all clicked on the “unfriend” button at some point. Sometimes it’s healthy and necessary. But other times it is simply a cold way to end a relationship or friendship. All it takes is one click to make someone disappear. In a blink of an eye you can disappear without having to give any explanations.

Whether you like it or not, social media is usually a good reflection of your real life. On top of that, with every “like,” every post, and every photo you put up, you leave a small bit of your personality. The virtual algorithms they use are a reflection of your essence and your behavior. The developers know that and so do you. That’s exactly why nothing happens by coincidence on social media.

The “unfriending” phenomenon (when you delete, block, or unfollow someone on social media) is being studied by increasing numbers of psychologists. Why are they studying it? Because social media platforms don’t just mimic social phenomena around us, they’re also changing the way we interact with each other.

Unfriending is sometimes a useful social behavior

The behavior of Facebook and Twitter users has been changing over the last few years. To put it one way, we could say that it’s maturing. Today people don’t put as much value on having a ton of friends.

The era when the big thing was to get as many friends as you could is finally coming to an end. This is especially true with people who are older than 30. They’re trying to use social  media in a much more serious, professional way.

This is also why unfriending people is actually the right decision a lot of the time. It’s something you can do to avoid “spammers,” those annoying people that you might not even know, or who make you uncomfortable. Maybe you just don’t like them. It’s like tossing out the bad apples, and by doing it you’re actually also proving something called Dunbar’s number theory.

Anthropologist Robin Dunbar came up with it in the 90’s. He said that we can never have more than 150 relationships (some more meaningful than others). You can also include anyone you interact with often, in meaningful way, on social media. You don’t have to have met them in person to count them on your list.

Today we try to use more filters in these online worlds to balance out our lives. It’s like we’ve taken a step forward. Most people try to have the same balance in their real life as they have on social media.

Unfriending: ending meaningful relationships with a click

Although unfriending as a means to achieve balance might seem like a good thing at first, it’s actually not. Here’s why: a lot of the time people end up doing the exact same thing in the real world.

Some people decide to unfriend coworkers because of a disagreement. Other people do it with their friends. This kind of behavior is actually happening a lot more now. It’s part of another phenomenon called “ghosting.” Ghosting is when someone leaves their partner without saying a word or giving any explanation. Then, on top of the silence, the other person will almost immediately realize that they don’t see their (ex) partner on social media anymore.

Some people assume that if they get rid of someone online, then that person will also magically disappear from their daily life. Maybe they think that they’ll get the message and understand why. But all ghosting and the like really do are cause suffering. Victims get thrown into emotional limbo, a place where it’s really hard to deal with your pain and get past it.

Who’s really to blame?

But as exasperating and immature as it might seem, there’s one important thing you have to remember. You can’t blame technology. You can’t blame the developers of social media either. All these virtual settings do is reflect a simple reality: as human beings, we have trouble communicating.  

Unfriending people with one click can make life easier. It’s fast, and it’s harmless for the person doing it. But the best part is that you don’t have to come face-to-face with them and tell them, “I don’t love you anymore,” “I’m not interested,” or “T his is why I don’t want you in my life.” We’ve always had a lot of gaps in our communication skills. It just seems like we’re making them even wider with technology.

So let’s learn to deal with our problems in person. At the end of the day, unfriending won’t solve your problems.

Avoiding Facebook Can Make You Happier

Social networks like Facebook can provide many benefits, because they offer us many virtual possibilities that can be a source of growth if they're...

Is it OK to unfriend someone on Facebook?

Should I feel bad about unfriending someone on Facebook?

Is unfriending someone on Facebook passive aggressive?

What does it mean when someone unfriends you from Facebook?